Embrace and Energize
      Your Potential to
            Live Out Your Dreams!

            Most of the people I see for coaching want to make changes that seem enormous to them, and therefore almost impossible to imagine accomplishing.  And yet, there is a drive, a dream, a desire inside them pushing to be heard and acknowledged.  So they come for the support coaching offers in opening the dream.

            Which is great!  But one of the big, often-unacknowledged steps in manifesting new, large desires, is exploring your attitudes towards how you live your life– the habits you acquired that keep you stuck and unable to move forward. 

            The coaching exercise, “Perspectives,” is often used to help people explore different choices or options they can make.  However, I also use it to support clients in investigating the nature of certain attitudes or habits. 

            For example, Matt, a soft-spoken man in his 40’s who wants to set up a family-run business after years feeling stultified as a corporate manager, wanted to explore his attitude towards “working outside the box.”  The perspectives he chose to “inhabit” were “The Critic,” “Mountain Climber,” “10-Year-Old,” and “Dolphin.”  As I guided him through each perspective, I encouraged him to stand in different places, close his eyes, breathe, feel the sensations in his body, and visualize his internal energy level and “environment.” 

            Exploring each perspective in this way guided him to choose the perspective of “Dolphin” for its playful feeling combined with a purposeful way of interaction with its pod or family for the good of all.  He was amazed at how he could really feel the contracted body sensations of his internal “critical” attitude about working outside a corporate structure– as well as the expansive sensation in his breathing and belly with “Dolphin.” 

            He realized that his new “Dolphin” attitude gave him energy for taking action on his dream, though he was scared of working outside the relative haven of the corporate “box.”  The “Dolphin” perspective supported both the purposefulness he feels in his commitment to his family, and felt good, physically and emotionally– excellent intuitive reasons for his new choice!

                              JOIN IN THE CONVERSATION!

*  What’s your attitude towards making a change you really want in your work or lifestyle?

*  Does this attitude support your going forward and making this change?

*  What’s an image that helps you get unstuck from an attitude that’s no longer helpful to you?

I found it!
      And now when the storms wail
      and the face of the sun is masked in clouds,
      when my shining fate revolves to dark,
      my light will never be extinguished!

                    –  Fatwa Tuqan

            These words, written by a Palestinian woman in her homeland during the tumultuous period of the 1930’s & ’40’s, reflected both the chaos in her family’s life at that time and her emerging presence as a traditionally raised woman joyfully embracing her new professional identity as a writer, a poet, and radio speaker. 

            Fatwa Tuqan was a woman brought up to obey the men of her family, not to express contrary opinions, and to stifle her own feelings and voice.  She was forbidden ever to leave the house, for her whole life, because she accepted a jasmine blossom from young man who dared not speak to her (while walking home from school, which she loved “more than home” for the way it nurtured her longing for a wider world).

             For her to move forward as a writer, reading her words aloud to others, and at last speaking authentically, was an unimaginable leap of creation, requiring a deep connection to poetry, the support of her brother in transforming herself, and the belief that this self-transformation was essential for her to thrive.  “One day you finally knew what you had to do,” as the poet, Mary Oliver, states unequivocably.

             As both a life coach and poet, I am deeply aware of the importance of finding out what you are passionate about, what you are wanting to share with others– then finding the work and the way of living that allows you to embrace your passion and expand your life.

                 PLEASE SHARE IN THE CONVERSATION!

 1)   How have you felt held back from expressing what really matters to you?

 2)   How have you been supported in being authentic and open to your aliveness?

 3) What is the light in you that will overcome your clouds of fear?

          As you may have read in my earlier blog posts, my early-summer trip this year to Sweden, The Netherlands, and Germany made me very aware that people can live with more of a sense of spaciousness and time for nurturing relationships, enjoying nature, and fostering personal creativity.  I also know that most people who come to me for coaching around career change also feel the need for work that embodies or allows for opportunity to live fully, within and outside the context of work.

            Wayne Muller writes in his rich and generous book, Sabbath: 

     “When we live without listening to the timing of things– when we live and work in twenty-four-hour shifts without rest, we are on war time, mobilized for battle.  Yes, we are strong and capable people, we can work without stopping, faster and faster, electric lights making artificial day so the whole machine can labor without ceasing.  But remember:  No living thing lives like this.  There are greater rhythms that govern how life grows  . . . To surrender to the rhythms of seasons and flowerings and dormancies is to savor the secret of life itself.” 

            The image one of my clients holds for his ideal work life is that of himself and others, including children, around a table in a kitchen together, working, cooking, and eating as a community.  At first, he asked me, Is this just a dream?  Can it really happen?”  Now he accepts that this image reflects who he is and the way he intends to live– and has a career plan with this vision of his work as a central focus. 

                  PLEASE SHARE IN THE CONVERSATION! 

1)   What does the natural rhythm of your life look and feel like? 

2) Does your work embody this rhythm?  If so, how?  If not, why? 

3) How do you honor your need for “rest, renewal, and delight” in your busy life?

“In the Hans Christian Anderson classic, The Little Mermaid, Ariel gives up her beautiful voice in exchange for legs . . . Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with change or variety or newness or with improving our condition.  The catch is when we are asked to give up our voice in order to move freely, when we are asked to silence what makes us unique in order to be successful.”   (Mark Nepo)

             I was reading this passage and thinking of clients of mine whose concerns around being professionally successful are really issues about the loss of their voice and of speaking their truths.  I wondered, do you really have to give up your voice (the ability to speak your truth) in order to have legs (success and mobility in the world)?  That’s an odd condition, I feel, that you would have to exchange one for the other, when, in fact, you need both to make changes that are fulfilling to you.

             I’m thinking of one of my clients, a woman in her 50’s who was in a transition from stay-at-home mom to becoming a professional.  Her goals in coaching with me were all about becoming successful in her career. 

             Then during one session I commented on the lack of inflection and expressiveness in her voice.  I knew she was enthused about her new career direction, so what was this about? I asked her.  From this question came a surge of responses from deep within herself that she hadn’t expected, mostly reflecting the way she used to give and do for her family, without questioning what was important to herself.  When her youngest child finished high school, she allowed herself to go for a meaningful career, but still found herself giving time and energy to relationships that gave little back to her. 

             She hadn’t recognized that while she was changing outwardly, she was also changing inwardly– and that she needed to re-create the conditions of all of her life to move forward in her career path.  She needed to create boundaries in certain relationships and become more open in others.  She needed to use her voice to claim what mattered to her– WHILE she used her legs to go forward professionally.  Now I can hear in her voice the enthusiasm and engagement she was experiencing in the work she has chosen.  She has brought her voice in alignment with her legs and her energy to living a full, rich life of her choice.

             In my upcoming, 2-part tele-class, “Coaching 101– How to Make Career & Life Changes That Matter!” starting July 14th, I’ll be helping people like you begin to create the professional and personal changes you wish by claiming your voice and your energy to move forward.  If you’re interested, please click on this link– http://www.kailaslifecoaching.com/?id=classes_presentations#current.  If you have any questions, please contact me at eve@kailaslifecoaching.com.

                       PLEASE SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES–

 1) What holds you back from asking for what you need and want?

 2) Is it necessary to give up speaking and living authentically in order to be successful?  Why?

 3) How have you created a fulfilling lifestyle by expressing your voice and using your legs?

            Since my return from my trip to Europe recently, I’ve been thinking about what it is to be a traveler.  Not a tourist out to see only certain sights, but someone open to new discoveries, new interactions, new ways of being.  Open to change– and to being changed.  The essence, in fact, of someone who’s doing coaching or considering it!

            Right now, I’m really enjoying the book, Travels with Odysseus by Michael Goldberg.  Using the classic Greek explorer, Odysseus, as a man whose voyage home after the Trojan Wars becomes fraught with unplanned detours and unusual encounters with guides and provocateurs, Goldberg looks at what it means to be a “traveler”:

           “Since ancient times, The Odyssey has been known as the journey that each one of us . . . must take to return Home, to who we really are and what we are supposed to become.”

             When we really travel and engage our deeper self with our outer experiences, we begin to learn what really matters in our lives.  We find guidance in others we meet along the way who connect us to our heart’s longings.  This, in turn, leads us to how we wish to live and what is meaningful for us to do in our time here on the planet.  Again, this is the essence of the coaching experience.

             In my upcoming, 2-part tele-class, “Coaching 101– How to Make Career & Life Changes That Matter!”, I’ll be helping people experience what it’s like to create professional and personal changes they truly desire through the “engaged traveling” process of coaching.  If you’re interested, please click on this link– http://www.kailaslifecoaching.com/?id=classes_presentations#current.  If you have any questions, please contact me at eve@kailaslifecoaching.com.

                       PLEASE SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES–

          What does does it take to be an “engaged traveler” in your life?

       • What new perspectives or changes have opened for you by taking a new path in your life?

             Recently, I’ve been considering a very important tool in life coaching called “Values,” which helps people become aware of what makes their lives meaningful and fulfilling.  Values are personal reflectors of what really matter to each of us– and have nothing to do with family or social mores.  Values are intuitive and heart-centered– not head-based or what we’ve been taught is the “right” way to work, relate, and live.  Values can be anything that give richness and worth to what we do and how we are.  “Beauty,” “Integrity,” “Nature,” “Family,” “Authenticity,” “Relaxation,” and an infinity of others can all be values, depending on who we are.

             That’s why understanding your values is such a vital beginning step in the coaching process.  They are guide posts to what you really care about.  Without exploring them fully, you are likely to feel disappointed in the actions and decisions you make, whether around your career, your family, or personal development.  As you become conscious of what is really important to you, the changes you make are much more likely to be satisfying in any and all areas of your life.

             In my upcoming, 2-part tele-class, “Coaching 101– How to Make Career & Life Changes That Matter!”, I’ll be helping participants focus on what they find fulfilling as a foundation for making choices about career and personal transitions.  For more information, please click on this link– http://www.kailaslifecoaching.com/?id=classes_presentations#current. 

             If you have any questions, please contact me at eve@kailaslifecoaching.com.

             PLEASE SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES–

• What are some of your values?
• Why do they matter to you?
• What can you not live without in your life?

     I’m so delighted to have in my hand a copy of the new, wonderful book, Feng Shui Your Mind– Four Easy Steps to Rapidly Transform Your Life by my friend and colleague, Jill Lebeau (co-authored by Maureen Raytis, LAC)!  In this book, Jill and Maureen take their backgrounds as spiritual psychotherapist and licensed acupuncturist and interweave a powerful picture of why you need to declutter your mind of unproductive thought patterns– and how to do it.

     As they write, “It’s our thoughts– not our things– that generate our happiness and sustain our energy . . . We invite you to learn how to apply the wisdom of Feng Shui to your most powerful resource– your mind . . . In our our minds, we can learn how to clean and clear the thoughts that don’t serve us.  This gives us the mental space and energy to choose our perception to attract our deepest desires with ease.”

     If you want to learn about how to make room for positive change in all areas of your life by personable stories, compelling exercises, and the lifelong wisdom of two master healers, you can read the book and take the journey.  Just go to www.FengShuiYourMind.com to order and for more information. 

     And share with others here on this blog–  Why would you like to Feng Shui your mind?

    I’m not there yet, but Weimar has been a place of mystery and enticement to me ever since a German architect friend of mine, Carsten, told me I should go there.  So far, what I know is that it was home to two of the best-known German poets, Goethe and Schiller, who were also great friends.  So this will touch the poet in me! 

    Sometimes it’s absolutely necessary just to go for a dream, to follow a longing for opening and wonder, without worrying about how it will fit into your career plans or search for a good mate.  Sometimes, you have to do something for your soul that may not matter to anyone else.  As Thomas Moore writes in his book, Care of the Soul:  “‘Soul’ is not a thing, but a quality or a dimension of experiencing life and ourselves.  It has to do with depth, value, relatedness, heart, and personal substance.”   

    This depth and heart-quality of living life are what gives life its richness and meaning.  The search for a place with a magical name or a work path that is different from anything you’ve done before or a taking out a moment of your busy time to read a poem or listen to a bird sing– all of these add to the quality of our lives.  This “soul” in our lives is the zest that gives our lives the delight worth living. 

       What are some “soul” moments in your life?  How have they helped you in your career and life transitions?

      Please share your comments below.

This week I’m in The Netherlands, visiting my younger goddaughter, Gabriella, a law student at Oxford University in England, who’s spending a year studying international law at the University of Leiden this year.  It’s wonderful to see how she is broadening her scope as a lawyer-to-be who will probably be working in Europe, engaged in a new culture, making new friends and contacts.  Since she’s still exploring the kind of law practice she’d like to be part of, she’s also busy setting up mini-internships with barristers and judges in London during the summer.

     I’m also enjoying meeting in person for the first time Louise– one of my favorite people from my certification training with the Coaches Training Institute (CTI), which was all done by phone.  It’s so great to get together at last!  I so admire the way Louise brings a very relational quality to her corporate coaching and training business– and how she is building a wide network of professional contacts to enrich the quality of her work and expand her clientele potential.

      From both my goddaughters and Louise, I also find a wonderful European quality of life in balance.  For one thing, there are so many scheduled holidays in the northern European countries.  Also, people stay connected with their families and share many activities together intergenerationally– holidays, child care, dinners, and trips.  Even when people are very busy with work, there is a structure in the culture that mandates more time with family.

      In my coaching, I see many people wanting to connect more and build stronger relationships within their families, have more quality time together.  It’s wonderful over here to see that happening more organically.

      What do any of you readers feel about my perception that northern Europeans seem to have a better balance between work and family/personal life?  I’d really enjoying hearing some of your thoughts on this matter.  Please leave your comments below.

I’m visiting in Stockholm this week where my elder goddaughter, Andrea, age 29, is living.  Last year, she made a momentous career decision that took her to this city to live and work.  Having just graduated with her master’s degree in architecture in the Swedish city of Gothenborg, she decided that the real work she wanted to do in her life was to be a doctor!  She did well on her medical exams and is now a student at the renowned Karolinska School of Medicine in Stockholm.

    Her decision amazed me at first, but when I considered the matter, I could see how well-suited she was for becoming a wonderful physician.  Both medicine and architecture, as she pointed out, require an understanding of the interaction of systems.  As a doctor, however, her focus would be on giving to and enhancing people’s lives.  For a person like she is, who truly loves to help people, medicine gives her a means to that kind of fulfillment at a professional level.  

     Though she would’ve made a fine architect, it’s very wonderful to see her blossoming as she follows the passion that is truly hers.  Though she regrets sometimes not having started studying medicine at age 20, she also feels that she brings valuable life experience to becoming a doctor with her other work, some years of travel, and lots of experience interacting with a wide range of people.

     The lesson– It’s never to late to go for what really matters to you, with work, relationships, and creative goals!

     Are you considering a career change in your life?  What motivates you to this?  What holds you back?  What is a step you can take now to explore this possibility?

     Share your comments below.